Read More: A brief interview with Brad Rose
Tonight, I Think I’ll Drive the Mail Truck Home
Yesterday, I was busy sleeping at work, when I woke up wearing radio waves. It was touch and go for a while, until Smitty said it was lunchtime. When I got outside, I remembered that trees are smarter than you think. They’re not just standing there. On my route, I like delivering the brown paper packages the best. So clean, so quiet. Letters and magazines, packed thick as a school of herring. Everyone thinks my job is easy as shooting fish in a barrel. You’d be surprised at the number of words I read a day. Each delivery is the same, but special too. I cross those lawns like I’m walking on my girlfriend’s grave. It’s not trespassing if you leave quickly. When my hair starts talking to me, I focus on my shadow and ignore the gang of houses scowling on the corner. This time of year, the bugs aren’t too bad. Bloody wind in a bored, blue sky, bikini season just around the corner.
Between a Rock and a Hard Place
To avoid a life of regret, I’m planning to die for just a little while. It’ll be like a blind date with myself, only with greater schadenfreude. Of course, I’ve changed a lot since birth, but I’m still older than my father. Believe me, it’s not as glamorous as it sounds. In fact, it may come as a surprise to you, but isn’t that always the way? Like twins separated at birth, it’s probably just a coincidence. Last week, I was working in the garden of earthly delights and I realized I needed protection against invasive species, so I bought life insurance in case the aliens land. Since then, I’ve had a lot more luck with the ladies. Spider says it’s random chance, but Shakespeare says every comedy must end in marriage. I was hoping to wed a child bride, but the cops don’t think that’s funny. I guess there’s a law against it in this state. The judge said he wanted to lock me up and throw away the key, but there’s two sides to every story. My psychiatrist won’t let me in and the warden won’t let me out. Physicists report further research is needed.
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Got Lucky
Last week, I replaced my blood. I’m from a musical family, it didn’t hurt. It’s always a good idea to build a friendly relationship with the weather. Stab, split, or chop, lightning is a shiny ax. I’m an animal lover, which is why I sleep nude, like a cat. Of course, your reputation is only as good as the lawyers you hire. Say, what’s in the duffle bag? Yes, isn’t it amazing how the bees always remember who to sting? They just take little vacations, so it’s never a problem. My supervisor said he hopes an incident like this never happens again. I assured him the burning chairs were a complete accident. Having a good personality explains a lot, even for the facial recognition software. Those guys are always on their toes. It’s never too late to have a good time, but I wouldn’t be caught dead in this outfit. Manslaughter? No, they dismissed all the charges. The day of the trial, the coroner lost the evidence. As I was leaving the courtroom, the judge warned me not to leave the state, but I’d already bought my one-way ticket. Fortunately, it was refundable. 100%.
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Brad Rose was born and raised in Los Angeles and lives in Boston. He is the author of a collection of poetry and flash fiction, Pink X-Ray (Big Table Publishing, http://pinkx-ray.com and Amazon.com.) His two new books of poems, Momentary Turbulence and WordinEdgeWise, are forthcoming from Cervena Barva Press. Brad is also the author of five chapbooks of poetry and flash fiction, Democracy of Secrets, Coyotes Circle the Party Store, Dancing School Nerves, An Evil Twin is Always in Good Company, and Away with Words. Three times nominated for a Pushcart Prize, and once nominated for Best of the Net Anthology, Brad’s poetry and micro fiction have appeared in, The American Journal of Poetry, The Los Angeles Times, The Potomac, Folio, decomP, Lunch Ticket, The Baltimore Review, Posit, The Midwest Quarterly, Right Hand Pointing, and other publications. Brad’s blog is: http://bradrosepoetry.com/blog/ and his website is: www.bradrosepoetry.com. Selected readings can be heard at: https://soundcloud.com/bradrose1
Read More: A brief interview with Brad Rose